If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
