my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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