I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
kristin has been a bad kristin
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
