If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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