it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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