She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
