She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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