Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
