Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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