that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Duck Duck Cougar?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
