erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
