if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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