Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The uberlube is also flammable
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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