His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
