you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
