I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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