would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
