porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
