I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
