haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
