Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
