Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
