do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
