nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
