I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
