i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
