you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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