Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Randomize
