You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
