if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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