I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
