So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
