Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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