I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
