Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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