Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
