I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
