Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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