That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I had to cum in my sink.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
