what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
