just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
