he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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