it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
