well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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