Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
