Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
