Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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