She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
