New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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