too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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