Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
